today's lunch is grilled zucchini and milk. milk disgusts me somewhat. the creamy look and wholesome flavor creeps me out. but it's better than calcium tablets, which taste like chalk and have claws going down your esophagus.

i burnt the zucchini a bit because there was invisible paprika paste coating the pan. i suspect that it was leftover from morris's breakfast, which was four spicy omelettes. i tell him to rinse things out but he doesn't listen. he just nods to the beat of his guitar music and assumes that i think he's agreeing. but i know that it's just the rhythm in him and that he couldn't care less about doing dishes.

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once in a while i'll be on aim and alex will come on and make yellow bowling balls explode across the screen. today we were talking about how he gave up on using the 'papyrus' font to seem gothic. he says that being gothic stopped being important and that the goths have been usurped by the emos anyway.

i told him about how someone requested that i pay $89 to see foo fighters and oasis. he says that $89 is too much, especially for oasis. that is what i was thinking too. what if they play 'wonderwall'? alex says that one time oasis came onto his nirvana pandora station. it was like a rickroll, except without rick.

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it's past midnight and we're sitting in oblong formation on denny's basement floor. the television is flickering in the background and one of the colour tubes is broken so everything on the screen is tinged green. natalie is smoking a cigarette with her eyes half-closed. no one nags her to go outside because no one cares anymore.

i want to go home because i'm tired, but i want to stay because morris is holding my hand. i hold my breath and try not to make any sudden movements. i'm afraid that if i flinch it'll be over. i'm afraid that any slight change in position would be enough to jerk us out of this quiet comfort.

it's a bit later now. maybe half an hour, maybe more. i can't keep track because everything is so still and silent. i'm not even sure that i'm still awake. natalie has finished smoking and now her and denny are slumped together on the couch: one organism made of two huge heaving parts. i'm still holding morris's hand except now our skin is too hot and i want to let go.

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this is a pollen drop; flex your nostrils to inhale.

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